Don't be a trainspotter, get on the train!

I haven't written a new post in a long time. While I was living in Sweden the posts were regular, maybe because my routine was regular and there were few distractions. Since April this year there have been momentous changes in my life over which I have had little if any control. It feels a bit like sitting on a train when the signals are switched and off you go in another direction, or back the way you came from.

This may sound uncomfortable, but need it be? At least one is on the train, at least one is going somewhere! My friend and fellow homeopath Joy says you need to at least get on the train and some people don't, they just sit on the bench in the station and watch all the trains go past. Trainspotters used to make me laugh when I was a child. I would see them in their anoraks with their notepads waiting around for trains to pass in and out of Watford Junction station, and write down the numbers in their notebooks. What was the point of that I wondered?

I suppose I knew early on that I would be going somewhere, not staying where I grew up. Ever since moving to California twenty-one years ago I have been in search of my roots. Last year I moved to Sweden where I found some very deep and nourishing roots. About a week ago I came back to England, to the house where I lived from the age of two weeks until I went away to university. This is my mother's house and she had lived here for 57 years when she died on the 4th of July. Independence Day.

I came back to spend some time here in her house, to organize with my brother everything that must be organized when a person dies. There's a lot going on on the surface when a person dies, registering the death, cremation or burial, announcements in the paper, obituaries, funerals or memorial services, selling assets, appointing solicitors, paying bills, sorting through a lifetime of accumulated possessions. That can keep you busy for months. There's also a lot going on under the surface. Emotions you didn't know you had, physical symptoms bubbling up from the depths, confusion and sleepless nights. These can all be concomitants of the big G, grief and grieving.

Experts have studied and written about grief and its effects. It's not always what you might expect, like life in general. You might find yourself headed in one direction on the train, then you might be shunted off into a siding, or derailed. Even with these inherent risks, it's better to be on the train than sitting on the platform writing down numbers of passing trains.

One thing I have learned is that roots are deepest in the heart. We humans are not trees. We don't have to stay where we are planted. We can move and set down new roots. The most important thing is to be with people you love and who love you. The roots of the heart are the deepest and strongest. They are also indestructible and don't wither when the physical body dies, they are eternal.

My mum was not a trainspotter. She got on the train and it took her to a new country. She married and had two children and set up a business that is still thriving to this day. She missed her country of origin and was proud of her Swedish roots and drew strength from them, but at the end of the day she lived in another country and put down roots there too. Even though her physical remains will be buried in her home parish in Sweden, part of her will always be here in England too. Human beings are amazing, we don't have to be defined by a geographical place, culture, or even nation. We are more than that and I am grateful to my mother for showing me that.